poop in my mouth

i still remember my old xanga posts. they would be simple sentence fragments that really made no sense to anyone, not even myself. with my cool john lennon background, i thought i was so hip. I stil remember this one "i can do 30 pushups. - joo dub"
i dont know how many i can do now but 30 was a lot of pushups at the time.
so what have i accomplished so far with this life? im already 19 years old. 19 years....
i've graduated high school
i've learned to become self sufficient.

what else?
i mean if i were to die tonight, what would they be saying about me at my eulogy? he was a "nice guy"? what was he. what did he do. what impact did he have on others and the world he lived in. 19 years. 19 years is truly a blessing, many people do not have the gift of living that long, yet here i am, still not knowing what to do with my life. What purpose is there for me? what is this "greater purpose" that God has for me, and what can i do to start working towards it tonight? 19 years. will i be asking this same question when im 20? 21? 25? 40? i hope with every fiber of my being that i wont be.

if there is anything i've learned since i've officially become and "adult" it is that life is very lonely.